Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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