Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
