He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Did I show you my penis last night?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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