i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
