I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
