Where are you?
In a non slutty way
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
