I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
