It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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