I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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