Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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