As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
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