yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
