I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
