Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
