I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
