She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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