I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
