I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I am available for nakedness
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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