Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
