I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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