My first STD was from a foam party
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
