Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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