theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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