THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
