I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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