I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
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