Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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