we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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