this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
