For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
