and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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