I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
