Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
