thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
