i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
