Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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