she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
