To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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