I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
