Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
