we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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