everyone is single if you try hard enough
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
