Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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