the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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