My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
