DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
We need to rekindle our bromance
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
