Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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