Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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