I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
