In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
