worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
