Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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