haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
