I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
