If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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