Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
